As I changed from a girl into a woman, Arkadiy unctioned me to find a nice guy and settle down, after I finished school of course. When I graduated college and went off to law School, Arkadiy would ask me each time I came home "My dear do you have a boyfriend yet?" "Are you dating anyone" Although I've had a constant stream of suitors, none were ever my idea of marriage material... they were just someone to pass the time. When I responded no, he would say, "thats ok, you have time..."
This year when I saw Arkadiy, he didn't tell me I had time or a few more years. "My darling, how old are you now?" I told him I was a few years removed from thirty. This time, his eyebrow furrowed. He was markedly concerned... "My darling, its time to find a husband and settle down." I would recount how I'd yet to find anyone worthy. He listened patiently. I told him that I was doing my best to interview quality guys, but none of them were a good match. Arkadiiy listened, and then he took a deep breath.
"My dear, you will Never meet your dream man... he does not exist." Is this what they tell women approaching 30? Geez! Just take all the air out of my sail why don't you?!
"My dearest, you look for the basics : smart, handsome, tall, educated... And once you have the core basics you can then train him to do the rest." TRAIN??? HUH? WHAT? WHO ME? WHY?
Is that why everyone is getting married this year sans me? Are they training the men who I would easily discard for innappropriate behavior?
Often, I believed taking a man who didn't fit my vision board description, as my husband meant that I would be settling in a DOWNWARD direction. I was morally opposed to settling downward with a guy who would just be a divorce-in-the-making a few years down the road, all in the name of being able to say "I'se married now." For instance, the guy Arkadiy saw me with was a handsome, strapping attorney, but he didn't know how to use his words to build me up, he was negative and condescending...
But this concept Arkadiy introduced, on training a man rocked my world.
"My dearest, here is what you do, when you date a guy, you spend time with him to see how he is. If he does things that you don't like or can't accept, you go to him draped in honey and humor and you say, "honey I understand that when you are dealing with the world that you have to be tough, but there is one place you don't have to do that, and thats with me... I'm soft thats why I like soft things, flowers, cashmere, silk, and diamonds. LOL be soft with me, I don't need the harsh words, just the soft ones"
At this point, I'm skeptical... I don't believe in coercing or begging a man to treat me well, and this is what it was starting to sound like. But it was all a part of Arkadiy's master plan. Here's where the lesson comes in, you give yourself one year (ONE) to train this guy into the man of your dreams. You spend time working with him and talking to him draped in honey and humor, you tell him 'I like you but I can not be in a relationship with a person who ______' and if he is in love with you he will change his ways. Take the relationship two weeks at a time. When you give him the request, test him on it and see if he is making adjustments. If he is making excuses, and unwilling to change he doesn't love you and he is not the one. While you test him, you will learn about him, if he's sweet, if he's stubborn, if he's angry.
"As you begin to spend time with him, you will see the man of your dreams slowly forming."
Ladies, if you are like me, then you aren't engaged and your reject pile could literally make up a football team, maybe its time to try something different. What do ya say????? Are you ready to open a Husband School?
